Most of us are born with some sort of instinctual DNA pattern that still promotes survival of the fittest. What I mean by this, and without going into clinical trials of research, is that we are naturally selfish human beings that behave in that competitive manner unless taught otherwise. My goal in this post is to talk to people about how to turn that competitive edge off in order to achieve that which you want. Trust me that is hard for me, as I love competition. But I have learned that I can get what I want by turning it off more often than keeping it on.
Thought not Fought:
As we grow up we learn so many old fashion mistakes. It is amazing what we are taught by the older generation in competitive nature. So much of it hinders what you become in future endeavors that it is ridiculous. The small things are the big things. Have you ever coached an intramural kids athletic team? Being a coach and watching the parents on the sideline is like watching one of those scare tactics commercials on how not to succeed in life. This is your brain…this is your brain on crazy maniacal parents telling there kids to go for blood on the field at the age of 6…any questions?
My point being that we are already hurting a bit on the instinctual side and then add on the parents making an impression that the only way to be is to fight fight fight…how on earth does anyone survive????
Luckily kids do grow up and not all parents are that way. Many scholarly adults know that there is a place for competition but they also know there is a place for thought. Learning the time for each is a master skill that can have you win over even the biggest of the crazy competitive nut jobs.
I will give a few examples here of how to disarm and why being competitive makes you lose. Let’s do a fun/friendly example of winning someone over and then a pure business example.
Let’s say you are at an industry dinner and sitting at the table with 5 other competitors. It is a tough industry and each person at the table is very proud of their company (or so they let on). The subject at hand is American football (for my EU peeps I know. I know. I know… just bare with me this time). Now you know you are in as you are a Tennessee Titans fan and they are 8-0. The guy to your left is a Giants fan, to your right is a Patriots fan, and across the table are Steelers and Colts fans. There is nothing more passionate than an argument about who is the best. Of course record wise you have the best team. The comments start and all of the guys rag on you that your team has had an easy schedule. The Pats fan says you are not like them, as you have not proven it yet. They are dynasty material. The Giants fan says you don’t have the ring like they do. Pittsburgh laughs at you and the Colts say you beat them when Manning was injured so it does not count.
What’s your ammo?
You have a few choices and I use this example because it is real life and probably something that happens at the water cooler more than anyone ever knows. Internal company rivalry is just the same as the external rivalry that I am portraying here. So, you have a reputation to uphold as you don’t want to lose face. Your team is bad ass this year so you give it back to each one of them about how your undefeated team speaks for itself…that the past is the past stop living in it Pat’s boy…that the Iron Curtain is made of silk now Steelers junkie….that Peyton Manning is a has been and we showed you that…and that Plaxico will destroy the unity in Ny and that my friend is why the Titans are Super Bowl bound you bunch of suckers!
They are competitors I did not lose anything, right? Well…..I would ask you are you thinking for the future or fighting for the present? What have you accomplished?
Yes you showed them you won’t back down, and I would say that you probably even made a few more enemies if they were not already. You also set yourself up to look like a total monkey brain if the Titans don’t win the Super-bowl. In essence, you tore into a group of people about something that was out of your control. It is funny as we laugh at this but this happens every day. You say no big deal. I say you fought when you should have thought.
Thought answer?
What do you have to lose by acknowledging the strength of each one of those teams without looking like a wimp? It can be done easily and in a manner that has you totally saving face. The conversation was probably never 4 on 1 so there was always a chance for you to compliment the other’s favorite team.
To Pat’s boy: “Yeah I am excited about our team…though I don’t know that we have Pats staying power…heck of a team to try to follow.”
To the Ny guy: “Super Bowl Champs so you still have the ring…in my mind we are still chasing you guys.”
To Steelers guy: “Hard to say if we can maintain the hard nosed football or have a raw Quarterback that can handle the pressure like Big Ben.”
To Colts playa: “Yeah….that Colts team is almost unstoppable with a healthy Manning…hope we fare ok in the next bout against you guys.”
None of these remarks made make me look like a loser do they? No is the answer by the way. Instead of firing a shot which is natural to so many of us because of the way we were brought up…. how about firing a compliment on the side? Please trust me that there will always be an opportunity to do so if you are patient.
The compliment totally disarmed the guns coming at the Titans guy. He also has probably drawn a bit of favor and likeability in doing so from his industry competitors. Will you always be liked? No is the reality. But what if two of the four competitors only have the last encounter with you as being a compliment from you to them? What if they decide to retire and have clients that are free? What if they are unable to give their client what they need as their company does not perform that service? You may enter their head as a nice guy who may be able to help their client out. You just got a referral instead of no thought whatsoever because you blasted their favorite football team.
The results of this conversation are totally different. The guy who fights gets enemies for his pride. The guy who compliments gets perhaps future business. Which one sounds better to you?
A Pure Business Transaction:
Let’s say you are in a conversation with someone that you are considering offering your business opportunity to. You talk a bit and they tell you that they are a financial-analyst for the Titans (in case you did not notice I am a huge Titans fan). You say that is awesome and you guys converse about that topic for a while. Eventually the person asks you what you do. You get scared because you are a network marketer and you hate that question as the answer often brings about negativity towards you. Remember being proud is not always best here. That is very important. Being proud and acting proud are two different things.
Here is a dialogue that I think Is fairly common place to the question:
“I am a network marketer.” “Oh, you work with computers and such.” “Yes, but not in the manner that you are thinking. I distribute product through word of mouth and cut out the middle man in order to create income.” “Ohhhhhh…you are in one of those pyramid thingy’s.”
Here is your chance. It is make or break. Should I fight because I am proud or should I think because I want the person to check my business out? The biggest problem here is that people think that the pyramid response automatically means that there is no chance that they will be able to move in a positive direction with this conversation. Let’s think and make some money.
What not to say: “Well…No it is not a pyramid…and if you look at the corporate world it is a pyramid with the president at the top and the Vp’s…etc.etc.etc..”
Don’t go that route and don’t battle on the why! Instead, Disarm them!
What you might say: “Yeah and you can be in at the top” followed by a laugh and a “Nahh, I would not get involved with something unethical. It’s not my style.” Ninety-five percent of the time what you have done is taken them off of their game of fighting. They expected you to come back with an argument, which is what people love to do. People love to show off their knowledge about how they are right and you are wrong. You never have a chance of making a sale in an argument. Instead of doing that you made a joke and brushed it aside casually. You did not insult them or argue with what they said. Instead you disarmed them and many times they will ask a legitimate question about your product next. I say this with experience not with hope. It is so simple yet most never take this route. Thought not fought. Make a friend and they will listen. Make an argument and they will run.
Another answer might be “Ahhh you have been tricked by an illegal Pyramid before?” They will generally tell you it was legal but they lost a lot of money more in disgust than in anger towards you. You can respond then by saying “Yeah it is a shame as in any industry there are good companies and bad companies…good lawyers and unethical lawyers…bad politicians and..um well bad example (Remember if someone is laughing they are probably dropping their guard). That is certainly the case in my industry as well but luckily I am with a solid company that the Governor spoke for last month at our conference.” Most legitimate companies have some kind of fact such as this that carries validity to the non-network marketer. At this point you have made the person laugh and given your company some validity without arguing or fighting with the person. You can then have a regular conversation about your company without the bias that was first presented. Instead of arguing about the industry you are now having a good conversation after acknowledging their prejudice in a respectful way. You win in this case and they do not lose! At this point you have a good chance of presenting your company to them in a positive manner with positive results.
The above are just a few examples. Please remember that I certainly do believe that there is a time and place for being competitive and standing up for yourself, but I don’t think that that time is ALWAYS. Instead go away from that competitive nature to prove that you are superior. You don’t have to fight in order to survive anymore. It is not a necessity. Think about your outcome before you take it down a road that will have absolutely no benefit for you. These are just a few examples of disarming people. There is a difference in complimenting someone and kissing their hiney. It is easy to still be proud of what you do and also complimentary of others as well. That is as simple as it gets. The amazing impact that something so small can have for you is what is at stake! Simply using the principle of thought over fought will earn you millions if you truly apply it!
To your success
Young Guns always wanted
Wesley Anderson
Wes –
Just read that Einstein said: “The true value of a human being is determined primarily by how he has attained liberation from the self.” I like the way you said it better! Now. let me go put this to work by taking time for thought before fought. Thanks